What ills befa’ my native toon,
What makes it sae depress’d?
Since Maybole thrang at makin’ shoon
‘S noo barefit an’ distresse’d.
What caused the canker nane can say,
Nae townie blames himself’,
But points a finger at some jay
Whase vices nane excel.
An’ each his neebour wad despise
Their varied disposition;
For wha is slow tae criticise
A townie wi’ ambition.
The po’ers that guide oor local mein,
Ambitions they’ve acquired,
They set before the nations een
Publicity not desired.
We natives must as yin agree,
That they were sure tae score,
When they condemned the auld ash tree,
An’ the famous varnished door.
They condemned some hooses here forbye,
Quite rightly you’ll agree,
For the ruins sit there high and dry,
But not the door or tree.
The ruins mon hae charm an’ grace,
The door an’ tree been ugly;
Noo Maybole’s rid o’ this disgrace,
We mon be sittin’ smugly.
But no ! Mair problems jar us a’,
If we mon face the truth,
If ‘ Crucks ‘ his kettle fills at a’,
We’re bothered wi a drooth.
A leerie daurna burn at nicht
Tae mak a fool o’ summer,
The Tollbooth curfew culls your plicht
In your nocturnal dauner.
You Councillors O hear our cry
When you confabulate,
For guidness sake should you no ‘ try
Tae chinge oor humble state.
We’ve heard fae platforms seekin’ votes,
Aboot oor hoosin’ problems;
Latrines, an’ bathin’ pools an’ lots
O’ ither civic goblins.
But guidness what auld Maybole needs,
Is shairly plain tae see,
A plan tae ensure that she succeeds,
If you provide the key.
Strive tae gi’e your charges work,
Nae plan or deal exempt;
The populace will never shirk
If only you attempt.
No’ a’ the burdens that we suffer
Would I lay at your door,
Advice is one thing I can offer,
I’m silent evermore.
(Note: The ash tree referred to
was above the
Welltrees Well…. Was cut down. The Council objected to someone
graining their door at Allen’ Hill
received a lot of adverse publicity in the national press at the